Woman and Depression
A woman asked the following question after reading one of my articles:
Can you please elaborate on depression and women? Because it is so true. If I cannot share love with a man because his heart is closed, I also close mine. I get angry, frustrated, so fired up I want to cry and just give up. Give up everything. What a world, I think then. What a world when love comes last after duty and work – I get mean. To myself, my kids. I lock down my own sensuality and it creates such pressure in me. All the strength it takes to lock down the serpent, makes me unable to feel love. I then mistrust the whole world and hate myself and all men. But what to do? Sometimes a man is also hurt and he needs time to unlock his heart. What do I do with this sexuality of mine in the meantime? I don’t want to get rejected all the time and I also don’t want to cheat. Because I love the guy and respect his heart. So what do I do? This is usually when I get depressed.
Why do you stay with a man whose ‘heart is closed’? It wasn’t closed in those first raptures of love when you first met – unless you thought you could change him. But this rarely happens. It’s not enough to say that you love each other. The question is: does the man love you enough to break through his resistance and fear to love? You have to be realistic since love is very practical and begins with honesty and open communication between partners. Unless this is established at the beginning of any relationship, then it’s doomed to fail through compromise and personal attachment.
You say you get angry and frustrated. This obviously is not right. Woman only gets emotional when she’s not being loved. This is why she ‘locks down’ and is unable to connect with her own love and sensuality, which she then suppresses. The result is a build-up of pressure and spasmodic outbursts of anger and rage. Man doesn’t need time to ‘unlock his heart’. He just needs to overcome his independence now and embrace the beloved in his openness to love. But you, as woman, must have the discrimination to see when time is up, having given him every opportunity to come forward to love you. The emotional reaction in a woman to man’s lack of love at every level is her self-doubt, which then becomes an emotional centre and the seat of her depression.
There is purpose to relationships beyond the normal experience of raising a family and working long hours for financial security. It’s to be disabused of the false notions of love. Love is not a personal affair based on feelings and attachment, which is the emotional way of life devised by the world. The question is: have you suffered enough and realised what you do not want and are prepared to make a stand for love?
Man has failed just about every time in his endeavour to reach woman in her deepest centre in lovemaking. Consequently she’s the only hope for love on earth. She must refuse to compromise with the emotional demands of man ever again. But she can only do this when she’s no longer prepared to settle for anything that would sully her love. A woman must realise that it serves no purpose to life to be in a partnership where there’s no communication of love or the continual demonstration of the sheer pleasure of being together. This serves no purpose, except to perpetuate misery and discontent in the home and family life.
But it’s not to lose heart, for there’s no failure in love. Each relationship changes us in a spiritually productive way, regardless of personal feelings and the mind’s interpretation of things. Man is a loving creature, but only a woman who is in command of love can help him to realise his noble purpose. And this begins with honesty at every level of human relationships.
My e-book ‘Making Love Real’ is to be published later this year which will offer advice and guidance in relationships, and how to make love more real and enduring in partnerships.