The Surrender of Self
A question often raised is why, after living the spiritual life for some time with periods of harmony and absence of emotional negativity, the suffering is more intense than ever before. It’s something that many people find distressing. So what’s the truth from the inner perception where the knowledge of life is discovered?
The self, which is the mind and emotional body, is a mass of psychic force until transformed through living the spiritual life. When allowed free rein of its inner kingdom it doesn’t need to exert unnecessary energy beyond its vital needs, which it extracts from its host body – the person. This it does through the fluctuating emotional reactions that are typical of normal behaviour. But when someone begins to live a more conscious way of life (which is when the focus of intelligence turns inward), the self no longer has things its own way as before. Startled by the sudden intrusion from the light of consciousness on its dark underworld, the self withdraws a little deeper from conscious scrutiny. In this temporary vacuum there is then an inrush of enlightened energy, which is characteristic of spiritual awakening. But it’s not long before the self returns to regain its lost ground within the subconscious space of the psyche.
As the spiritual process unfolds and the individual perseveres in overcoming the insidious nature of the self, more ground is made through the purification of the inner space. The consequences for the self, in no longer having the freedom as before to influence the life, is that it becomes more troublesome since it must now exert more forceful energy to sustain its presence in the subconscious. Unbeknown to the self (since it has no knowledge beyond its instinctive drive to survive) is that its body has now been reduced in mass, amplifying its presence as extreme discomfort and pain. In a desperate attempt for attention to experience itself, the core of self bounces from one side of the body to the other; the intense pressure being registered is the self dying and not the man or woman. The deeper the ascent into the rarefied space, the greater the suffering as the self is transformed of its past emotional ignorance and restored to the purity of love.
The suffering has to be borne without self-judgement or trying to understand why it’s happening. This is true humility and a selfless offering to the Most High. It’s to know that the self will try everything it can to convince the mind that the process is not working. Intense feelings from the past can arise from the depths of the subconscious where all the old hurts and traumas from childhood are stored but previously hidden from conscious awareness. This is often mirrored by difficult external circumstances which must be contained and undergone while the process unfolds. But it’s to be valiant and one-pointed in the devotion to love and truth. The self is being made to capitulate but will resist all the way when it feels its power is being weakened. What’s happening is that the authentic being is emerging in the matter as the power of the spirit. With perseverance, the self eventually yields and kneels before the radiance of nothing: the absence of all knowing that is the true altar of God. This obliterates the final taint of wilfulness as the total surrender of self to the Divine Being that resides within.
Finally the self, having been eroded by the unrelenting light of the spirit, has been transformed of its defiant nature. This coincides with the realisation of truth as the state of immortality. The self is now aligned with the one good and serves life at the behest of the Divine Will. The challenge is then to bring the spiritual realisation into the world through the living life. Only in the harsh material environment of the western global society can the inner truth be validated as a completion of a particular phase of reality.
Lance Kelly has written 3 e-books which provide a comprehensive teaching on the spiritual process available from Amazon Kindle.