Feelings in Relationships
When partners consider each other’s feelings at the expense of honesty, they become attached emotionally and psychologically to the fear of being parted. To go beyond the limitations of personal love can be traumatic and extremely distressing. And this is the experience, more or less, of anyone who’s had to be true in a relationship where dishonesty to love could no longer be tolerated. An example is a partner who is unwilling or unable to address persistent negative behaviour. Then there’s usually no choice but to leave, even though there may still be feelings for the other. When two people come together, they have a unique opportunity to each give to the other something of great value to their life. Even if things don’t work out as planned, each relationship changes us, often in a spiritually productive way, regardless of the mind’s interpretation of the situation.
People often continue in a relationship which is making them unhappy for fear of condemnation by friends and family should they decide to move on. For a woman particularly, the prospect of losing financial support is another barrier that can keep her attached to the past while love withers and fades from the life. When a woman is true to love, she knows that to perpetuate a dishonest partnership with man is not serving him or the purpose of love. This is the innate knowledge within every woman, but her self-doubt and fear of reprisals by the man often inhibit her from pointing out what’s making her emotional and confused.
What is the difference between attachment and true love? Does sexual urge and it’s fulfilment amount to attachment?
In true love there are no problems. Attachment is fear and the consideration of another’s feelings at the expense of doing what is right in a situation of a love relationship – which is to keep the space between the two people free of any emotional negativity. Attachment is personal love which inhibits an honest communication. True love, which is impersonal love, can only be realised by being true to the source of love itself. This is the very power which brought the partners together.
The sexual urge is only pure in the absence of excitement, impatience or fantasying. Someone can be attached to sex but not to love. It’s possible to be available for love at any time, but even the most promiscuous man or woman will feign disinterest when not in the mood or distracted by some other more pressing matter.
‘She must be willing to put honesty to love first by refusing to compromise with anything that makes her emotional in her relationship with the man’. I’m not sure what this means. Can you please elaborate?
To be made real, love begins with honesty. But it’s not possible to be honest while attached to anyone and where sentimentality distorts the straightness of communication. People often assume that honesty is to offload their emotional baggage onto another, especially those they profess to love; this is an avoidance of responsibility for any unresolved pain from the past. In any relationship, honesty begins with the earnest endeavour to keep out negative emotions and stick to the facts of a situation. However nothing is more confrontational, and yet spiritually productive, than being in a love partnership. This is because the power of attraction that brought two people together contains energetically the necessary events and circumstances to bring both to a deeper realisation of love. The often extreme challenges and difficulties encountered are love’s way of making each more conscious of the purpose of being together – and this means being alert for the first sign of negativity that tries to sully the space between them.
Love and Emotion
Emotion is a contortion of matter that hooks into the vulnerable areas of the body, such as the soft tissues of the chest, shoulders and throat. As inner stillness penetrates the resistance of the self, the weight of emotion is gradually reduced. When connected to the source of love there’s no desire to hurt another, whether physically or emotionally. Real love demands nothing from the world, only to serve the good of the whole. Those afflicted with deep emotional negativity are unable to feel anything, apart from their own frustration at not being able to connect with love. To compensate, they make it their business to make others suffer and, in so doing, reduce them to the same level of hopelessness as their own.
The idea is to transform throughout the life, as much as possible, the backlog of human experience into the present. This is done through the transformation of emotion into love. Love is not an emotion but a state of being which never changes, and is the same for everyone who enters this purified space within the body. Why, then, does love appear to leave us, often at the moment of supreme pleasure and delight? Love never departs; it’s man and woman who leave love and are unable to dwell in its rarefied air for long.
How does one get over an unrequited love?
At a point where it’s apparent that the other person has no intention of entering a relationship, you must accept the fact and let them go. For who in their right mind would want to be with someone who didn’t share the same love and delight in the company of the other?
Love, Lust and Truth
The conflict of divine energy and natural freedom of gender has lessened my desire for sexual love. I desire much deeper much fuller, pure love and sharing of energy. What has lessened my desire in this matrix of physical sharing is simple to understand. The modern female has lost her divine female energy and has replaced the female with male. Many no longer have a deep female of energy within them, they have blindly become male on the surface to compete in a male environment. No more beauty to admire or to impress, no more deep love to embrace from the female of today. Sad is my soul to feel emptiness from the bodies of life-giving females.
The soul is only sad and feels emptiness when distanced from love. It is true that, in most instances, woman is no longer able to retain her divine female presence in the world. She hasn’t really lost it; it’s just that her finest energies have been subverted by man through his abuse and misuse of her through his self-obsessed drive for sexual satisfaction. Consequently she finds it difficult to connect with her natural sweetness of love. Man often gives up on her altogether when she doesn’t conform to his concepts of divine purity. He can convince himself that woman is not worth loving when he’s self-obsessed and blind to her innate beauty. Then it’s easy for him to blame and dismiss her as being unlovable instead of examining his own responsibility for love in the world.
Every woman has beauty within her which is waiting to be acknowledged. To restore woman to her original state of love, man must be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice and give up his selfish intent to find God out of existence independently of woman, his missing half. This will be impossible while he expects her to come in her fullness of love when she’s been so contaminated by his sexual self. Frequently she has no option but to join him in his competitive world, which the true female in her despises since it’s in revolt to her original nature. That she sometimes gives him hell through being enraged by a world that has mostly turned its back on love is all part of his transformation of sex back to love.
Man must really see that woman’s pain is a consequence of his own failure to love her selflessly. She suffers through what he has put inside her through his sexual lusting after her beauty. Woman of course must be responsible for love, for she has contributed to the overall degenerative condition of life on earth in being overwhelmed by the unconscious energy of sex. But she is unable to do this without having passed through the love of man while retaining her sense of divine purpose. Man must undertake to make amends for his past transgressions by truly loving the principle that is She behind the form. He does this by taking back his male sexual force from woman into his own psyche through right lovemaking. In this way he restores woman, his love, back to her innocence and feminine beauty. He may then discover the secret of his own immaculate godhead as man.
But what if a man is not seeking a partner, and wishes to transmute his sexual energy/drive simply into higher awareness or a true search for God (which in my opinion requires control of lust).
By remaining focused without thought on the inner state, the sexual energy of lust (which is thinking about sex and not doing it) is purified to a degree, but not fully transformed to love in the flesh. At a certain threshold of surrender, when the frontal intelligence merges with the consciousness of the void, the union is realised as God out of existence. What then happens after a brief period of transcendental detachment is a gathering of the vital body’s constituent parts which merge with the physical human system. The body consciousness is now adjusted to the spiritual frequency of the depth of the realisation.
To retain the spiritual presence, some men choose to abstain from physical love for fear that their inner state of purity will be contaminated. Why is this? It’s because they have never discovered the difference between sex and pure sensual love. Being in a body with a flesh and blood brain, the lust and sexual energy of humanity’s past experience is continually encroaching on the human psyche. The solution is to make love in the flesh as a way to ensure the divine connection between the male and female principles; this endures as a union of pure love in existence. To disregard love on earth is fundamentally selfish. It’s here on earth that love is needed, not out of existence where all is complete in a state of divine equilibrium.
For a self-realised man to rest in his oneness with God and disregard the opportunity to make a real contribution to love on earth highlights a flaw in his character. There will be fear and an absence of knowledge in such a man, and he will skillfully sidetrack the issue when broached on the subject by those seeking wisdom and guidance in their relationships. What he will not face is that woman is the reflection of God in existence. This is why (despite his inner realisation of truth) he cannot stop thinking about sex, and so suppresses the natural movement to love woman in the flesh.
Living in Harmony
To live together in harmony in an untroubled state of love is, for most, a romantic ideal or perhaps an unworkable proposition. Relationships collapse so frequently, leaving feelings of bitterness and resentment in their wake. In the beginning when two lovers are irresistibly attracted to each other, both merge into the extraordinarily beautiful state of love. However, the vibrancy usually begins to wane when partners settle down to a way of life based on sentimentality, comfort and convenience.
The two major factors leading to the deterioration of love are: the absence of purpose in the partnership; and dishonesty arising from the fear of confronting any emotional disturbance. Love is a practical affair and begins with honesty and open communication between people. Unless this is established at the beginning of any relationship, it will be difficult for love to flourish as the challenges of being together intensify. The attraction between lovers has a psychic or spiritual value that is initiated after making physical love for the first time. This invokes events that will test the resolve of the lovers as they endeavour to preserve their union against the forces of the world.
Love: the Great Healer
Can an individual really make a difference to the appalling lack of love in this existence? And the answer, of course, is ‘yes’. Love is the universal healer of all the world’s problems; but nothing can be resolved that will be effective for good without love being realised first in the body of the man or woman. The value of such an undertaking is undeniable in those moments when, in the presence of love, all is seen to be a wondrous harmony within the apparent disharmony of the world.
Unresolved Issues arising from past relationships.
Wow , very powerful insight , understand the process though doesn’t make is any easier one knows it will pass though it the length of time that seems to be in the forefront, letting go is hard and one hope and prays if and when the next one comes along it is different however it seems it all just repeats itself, in my case anyway, exhausting , so there is past healing that needs to be done however how do you know what it is especially when you find yourself repeating behaviours, insecurities and outcomes.
Anything unresolved from the past appears as whatever is causing emotional pain and distress in the present. It’s to look into the circumstances of the life without flinching and to discern where I am compromising with the joy of being alive. Who or what situation is holding me to ransom as an emotional prisoner?
People repeat negative experiences, particularly in their relationships, because their love is personal. Subsequently they are unable to be honest with themselves or their partner for fear of upsetting or leaving the other. What it amounts to is whether I have suffered enough to know what I am no longer prepared to accept in my relationships. The process of dying for love is a hard and protracted affair. Woman’s nature is love and ‘She,’ the principle behind the form, is the radiant inner light. When invoked, the mystery of love comes forward to make whatever changes are necessary in the life to bring a deeper love into the world.
A woman’s perception of love differs from that of man. She looks from within for the reflection of her formless divine lover in the presence of a man. He looks outwards to the world for the recognition of his sexual self’s image of her in form. Woman’s perennial ache is to be reached in her deepest centre by man who truly recognises the female principle in all her uncompromising beauty. Man’s most passionate desire is to be worthy of such a task. Sex is a personal affair. Love is the impersonal master. Where love is, the world is at peace; but where sex is dominant the inevitable result is war, either as conflict in the personal life or collectively in the hostilities between nations.
The pleasure in lovemaking is divine. For is God not love? Pleasure is the energy or wave in which love is realised at deepening gradations of intensity. Human beings are imbued with the unique sense of knowing discernment, which enables us to be conscious of the privilege and sheer delight of sexual union in the flesh. Love is not the problem; it’s the pleasure we can’t handle. The fragmented way of living we’ve devised produces intermittent feelings which fluctuate in accordance with whatever emotional button is being pushed. Emotion is anything which moves the body to think about something in the memory.
The Touch of Love
The sensual touch of a man is different to that of a woman. His fingers and hands are extensions of his psychic being and communicate a presence beyond the physical feeling. To the degree that a man is sensitive to his inner nature, he emanates a quality of love that can reach a deeper place in a woman, even in his caress and loving presence. A man continually looking for sexual gratification vibrates at a coarser frequency; his touch is harder, reaching only the surface level of a woman’s essence of love. A man, if he is willing, has to become attuned to the sensational presence of his body and consciously feel the vital life that flows through his inner system without emotional wavering.
Nature provides the mirror of the sweetness and purity that we all love and often recognise in one another. A woman can perceive a quality in a man by the way he acknowledges beauty during the day, such as pausing to inhale the scent of a rose. When a man receives the accolade from a woman that he truly loves her as the formless inner divinity that is ‘She’, he is able to reach her in a deeper place than a less sensitive lover. Physical union is the divine touch of love in existence: the eternal magnet that draws lovers together towards a deepening knowledge of the mystery of life.
Sex and Love
Lance, sex is not human’s ultimate drive. One can have all the sex one could have. Bundles of sex and still not thrive. Think Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson. Without secure caring connection, secure bonding, sex is just biological. We can have sex daily and not thrive. Certainly sex is vital for the survival of the species, but if only sex was the ultimate factor in human survival, and we had only sex without secure bonding, we would not be Homo Sapiens, we’d be a lesser mammal, or avian, or reptilian. Bonding is our prime drive, not sex.
It comes down to the truth of love and sex. Sex in isolation of love is to tap into the animalistic part of our ancestry. The animals procreate beautifully and have no problem with their instinctual desire. We human beings are no different, except that we are self-reflective or self-conscious creatures. Put self-consciousness into a rabbit, or any animal, and it would immediately lose its innocence and become like us, aware of its own sexuality. Sex is really love but can only be pure and divine when there’s no reflection as thought or erotic picturing in the mind on the incoming energy.
Love between the two genders has a profound purpose, the knowledge of which has virtually disappeared from the earth. Right lovemaking – love that is made consciously without excitement, fantasy and the drive for orgasm – softens the resistance in matter. This releases the finer energies that have contracted through the stresses and tensions of living; and creates the sense of space and lightness that‘s often registered after making love. These energies are immensely regenerative, wholesome and conducive to the vitality of the being. At a deeper level, man serves his beloved in the exchange of love by ridding her of the male force of the world. He does this by assimilating in his own psyche the coarser energies and converting them back to love. This is the power of man of love which enables woman to be less burdened and reside in the sweetness of her feminine nature.
To disregard physical love while there’s an opportunity to make love is to be in revolt to life on earth. God in existence is realised through entering with love the profundity of the beloved. God out of existence is realised in the individual body through devotion and one-pointed focus on the invisible Source within. They are not the same, but two aspects of Divine Being. To realise God out of existence as truth is rare indeed in these times. But to realise God as love in existence is the rarest thing on earth. Physical love between the male and female principles is the way for us earthlings to make a positive change to the appalling condition of a loveless world. Anything else is just an avoidance of the purpose of life.
A man asks: How can we let go of the attachment to orgasm when sexual orgasm is attachment in its strongest and most primal form? You think about doing it, you do it and then you think about having done it, all sequences of some form of attachment.