A selection of questions and my replies:

A man asks:

Are you saying that sex is a hindrance to love or that going into sex with Awareness/ Consciousness is precisely the path to love, as Osho puts it?

The hindrance is not sex – that’s just the sexual self passing the buck – but the man or woman’s attachment to the selfish drive for personal satisfaction. Sex then isolates the potential for union with love by taking for itself and holding back from giving all in the exchange. Eastern teachings can only reach so far and are unable to penetrate the core of resistance of the western mind. Where love is taught in the East, the followers in the West turn it into sex, as happened to many of the sannyasins of Rajneesh.

Can you elaborate on what happens when we get sexual thoughts?

A thought is not thinking and random images are unavoidable. It’s when two thoughts are allowed to run together in sequence that thinking begins. Sexual thoughts as erotic picturing and fantasying stir the core of the emotional body. This entity of self consists of all of the negative effects of every past hurt and disappointment gathered through the experience of living since birth. The unhappy body of self arises from sex as an emotionally charged, immature spasm to experience sensual existence, whatever the cost in human suffering and pain. I go into this subject and how to transform the sexual self to love in my many articles on love and relationships and books on the spiritual process.

How do you think such thoughts would be manifested in a person who’s never had sex before, but still lusts? His thoughts would be devoid of substance as he’s fantasising about things he has no physical experience in.

Yes, it’s true that the emotions will not have the substance that experience brings. But the manifestation of sexual thoughts and lusting is due to the accumulative experience of humanity since time began. The fascination with sex is the overriding preoccupation of everyone born. Thus the sexual past of humanity energetically gravitates to the minds of even the youngest.


Is there anything you could teach me that I do not already know?

You already know the highest truth and knowledge, but you haven’t yet realised this to its full potential (otherwise you wouldn’t be asking your question). The truth is nothing, so if I told you something I wouldn’t be doing you any favours. The error is in wanting to know in matters relating to reality or the highest truth. You can’t know the truth, but you can be that exalted state of enlightenment by not holding onto existence and continually letting go of the last moment.

All I do is remind those receptive to my teaching of what they’ve forgotten. The problem is that people remember what they should forget, and forget to remember the truth of being what I am as the intelligence which perceives this glorious existence.


A  man writes in response to the article ‘Mission Impossible’

If I had a Conversation with God I would ask Her if the ‘self’ is intrinsically unwilling to join Consciousness or simply fell prey to an illusion … looks like you bet on the former

The self has no knowledge of consciousness, knowing only what it has experienced in its time within the body. Consciousness never moves and is the stationary side of existence. On the familiar motional side of existence, everything is self appearing as the divisive sensory world. These are the two sides of existence. The spiritual task is to somehow entice the normally outward fixated intelligence to turn inwards to unite with the source of life.

To know my self as a realised state of consciousness is to have access at any time to the self-knowledge of the entire life’s experience. This is the realisation of immortality as union with life everlasting. The suffering and dissolution of the self endured by the individual is hardly an illusion. It’s an arduous, painful and protracted procedure, as every mystic or lover of truth will testify. This world is a projection in sense of a more enduring inner realm – an actuality of doing in time and space which gives validity to the stationary reality of consciousness behind the appearance of form.

The self doesn’t ‘die’ in the spiritual process of dissolution. It eventually surrenders its willfulness to the all-pervading nothing or absence of experience which is God. The self is then aligned with the Divine Will, which is the agency of spirit in matter.


A woman writes in response to the article ‘Celibacy: The Betrayal of Love’

This is profoundly true yet do you believe this mutual act of recognition can be realized by one of the partners being aware of this higher truth or is it only best realised through couples who share a higher level of soul connection, and I do not mean to say it in a discriminating manner as all beings are equally sacred yet I believe that when two individuals are mutually aware of the sacredness of this union only then it can become this life sustaining experience

In a partnership, someone of a higher consciousness will raise the other to a comparable state of consciousness, if they are willing. But there’s no guarantee, as in any other partnership, as to whether such a relationship will continue or the degree of transformation. Love is a mighty principle of intelligence, and in a partnership which puts honesty to love first, and where each refuses to submit to the normal emotional attachments to defend their pain and unhappiness, each will gain in consciousness as a consequence of their coming together in love.

A man questions the validity of facing his sexual self as mentioned in the article ‘Man’s Noble Task in Love.’

The point is definitely not about man being able to confront his sexual self but the subsequent approval or affirmation from the opposite sex..

To confront the sexual self is to take responsibility for love on earth. Man’s true authority, regardless of his worldly position, is realised through his power to love. The abdication of being responsible for love manifests in a man as sex obsession, frustration, restlessness wealth gathering, and unconscious lovemaking, through which he perpetuates the ignorance and suffering of life on earth.

It’s not about approval or affirmation from the opposite sex but something far more real and enduring. What every man yearns for, above all things, is the accolade from ‘She’, the female principle of supreme beauty that is God in existence; this is behind the form of every woman on earth. The accolade she bestows is her recognition of man’s noble endeavour to love her rightly and selflessly without taking anything for himself. But this can only happen when he has confronted his sexual self.

I have heard that semen can turn toxic if not released…do you have any insight on this?

It’s emotional negativity such as anger, hate, jealousy and resentment which turns toxic if not released as the surrender to God or life. The mind always avoids the central issue and focuses on things which have no real meaning, other than to satisfy its intellectual curiosity.

Semen is a secretion of the sexual glands and functions beautifully when allowed to respond to the natural flow of the body. Anomalies could arise, I suspect, where there is suppression to having an orgasm, but I’m not aware of anything specific regarding the toxic effect of semen

Hi Lance Kelly

Q) I remember, when I was around twenty years old, staying at a hermitage. Me and my brother were installing insulation in one of the rooms when we got into a disagreement. He got really upset with me…. He’s had a hard life. Anyway I remember going down deep in myself and thinking everywhere I go it’s always the same situation / confrontation. All of a sudden I was blinded by a light and I was that light. The whole world had disappeared. There was only love and peace. I knew at that moment that death was an illusion. I don’t remember leaving the room after that.  I kind of forgot about it, until recently, when I started reading a course in miracles, and listening to Eckhart Tolle. My question to you would be… What exactly was it that I touched and that touched me? I’ve lived my life in a state of deference to the world. My only prayer was that we be given the strength to get through this life. But now I’m reading about the awakening and how it’s our purpose in life, is to awaken. To realize that the journey, the destination, is within, and that it is who we are. There is nowhere to go. We are already arrived.

A) What you touched upon was the Lord – the Lord in matter within all things in existence. I had a similar experience over twenty-five years ago in London. When the self collapses in surrender to life or God, the formless reality within the body is able to shine through. The immediacy of such an experience changes the life irrevocably. However, blinding lights only happen in the darkness of ignorance until, eventually, the inner space is restored to its original purity. It can take many years for the inner apparatus to adjust in frequency to the spiritual octave of the realisation. You forgot about the experience because knowledge of the spirit is energetic and cannot be remembered. The spirit never repeats itself, because anything which originates from the timeless realm is a participation with reality. The self and individual consciousness merge with the incoming spirit as a unity of being. Once enlightened it is forever and can never be taken away. It is you and you are that. But the idea of life on earth is not solely about realisation but to bring that extraordinary power of truth into the living world.

What has happened recently in you is a response to the inner calling of the spirit. This has been mirrored in the external events, as you have described. The idea now is to find a teaching and to live it, if it’s the truth for you. Then it is your truth, which will serve to direct your life to bring you closer to your own uniqueness as a being of the earth.

A woman asked the following question after reading one of my articles:

Q) Can you please elaborate on depression and women? Because it is so true. If I cannot share love with a man because his heart is closed, I also close mine. I get angry, frustrated, so fired up I want to cry and just give up. Give up everything. What a world, I think then. What a world when love comes last after duty and work…. I get mean. To myself, my kids. I lock down my own sensuality and it creates such pressure in me. All the strength it takes to lock down the serpent, makes me unable to feel love. I then mistrust the whole world and hate myself and all men. But what to do? Sometimes a man is also hurt and he needs time to unlock his heart. What do I do with this sexuality of mine in the meantime? I don’t want to get rejected all the time and I also don’t want to cheat. Because I love the guy and respect his heart. So what do I do? This is usually when I get depressed.

A) Why do you stay with a man whose ‘heart is closed’? It wasn’t closed in those first raptures of love when you first met – unless you thought you could change him. But this rarely happens. It’s not enough to say that you love each other. The question is: does the man love you enough to break through his resistance and fear to love? You have to be realistic since love is very practical and begins with honesty and open communication between partners. Unless this is established at the beginning of any relationship, then it’s doomed to fail through compromise and personal attachment.

You say you get angry and frustrated. This obviously is not right. Woman only gets emotional when she’s not being loved. This is why she ‘locks down’ and is unable to connect with her own love and sensuality, which she then suppresses. The result is a build-up of pressure and spasmodic outbursts of anger and rage. Man doesn’t need time to ‘unlock his heart’. He just needs to overcome his independence now and embrace the beloved in his openness to love. But you, as woman, must have the discrimination to see when time is up, having given him every opportunity to come forward to love you. The emotional reaction in a woman to man’s lack of love at every level is her self-doubt, which then becomes an emotional centre and the seat of her depression.

There is purpose to relationships beyond the normal experience of raising a family and working long hours for financial security. It’s to be disabused of the false notions of love. Love is not a personal affair based on feelings and attachment, which is the emotional way of life devised by the world. The question is: have you suffered enough and realised what you do not want and are prepared to make a stand for love.

Man has failed just about every time in his endeavour to reach woman in her deepest centre in lovemaking. Consequently she’s the only hope for love on earth. She must refuse to compromise with the emotional demands of man ever again. But she can only do this when she’s no longer prepared to settle for anything that would sully her love. A woman must realise that it serves no purpose to life to be in a partnership where there’s no communication of love or the continual demonstration of the sheer pleasure of being together. This serves no purpose, except to perpetuate misery and discontent in the home and family life.

But it’s not to lose heart, for there’s no failure in love. Each relationship changes us in a spiritually productive way, regardless of personal feelings and the mind’s interpretation of things. Man is a loving creature, but only a woman who is in command of love can help him to realise his noble purpose. And this begins with honesty at every level of human relationships.
My e-book ‘Making Love Real’ is to be published later this year which will offer advice and guidance in relationships, and how to make love more real and enduring in partnerships.


A man questions some fundamental points in my article ‘Spirituality’.

Q) This sounds a very linear almost subjective (personal) reckoning by someone who has started to imagine what would be required of themselves if they were to become spiritual. To be spiritual is to be “Self” aware and the rest is that particular Self’s business and that Self will walk its own unique spiritual path. Know thy self and all will be known to you.

Where I come from the truth never changes. It’s always disagreeable to the mind.


Q) A woman asks: Lance Kelly – Are you in a successful long-term relationship?

A) Well, I live with the most beautiful woman on earth. But then, doesn’t every man who truly loves a woman and recognises the beauty in her? My partner and I have been together for over twenty years in an extraordinary romance which has no end.

I would question, however, your use of the word ‘successful’. How do you measure success in a relationship, or indeed anything undertaken in this existence where everyone and everything eventually disappears back to dust? The right word is purpose. Does my relationship with the one I love and live with have purpose?

Purpose endures whereas success is fleeting, which soon turns to boredom and the striving to be more successful in something else. Unless a man or woman loves with purpose, any relationship is doomed to the living death of compromise and mediocrity. To love with purpose is to love God first as something greater than myself before any man or woman. It’s to acknowledge the privilege of loving the beloved as the principle of God in existence.

Purpose begins with honesty, which does not consider the feelings of another but is true to the situation of a partnership. This is to enjoy being with each other every moment spent together and dying to the right to be anything but vulnerable to love’s mystery. My partner keeps me straight through her devotion to the invisible but all-pervading truth behind the form. She is God in female form to me. I serve her, as she serves me, in my love of God and the endeavour to be more worthy of this blessed gift to serve love as my life.