The Fear to Love

In a world where love is often viewed through a lens of desire, expectation, and fleeting moments of connection, the fear to love has become a prevalent experience – especially for woman. This fear stems from the emotional scars left by life’s challenges, societal conditioning, and deeply ingrained traumas. Love, in its purest form, is a restorative power – a source of healing and wellbeing. However, fear obstructs its true potential, turning something meant to uplift and edify the consciousness into a discursive energy of anxiety and confusion.

The fear to love doesn’t simply arise from past romantic failures or the insecurities encountered in adulthood. It is far more primal and begins its journey early in life. At birth, the infant body enters existence having absorbed the emotional stress of the mother from the placenta in the womb. The severing of the umbilical cord marks the beginning of a psycho/spiritual separation, and for a young girl the loss of this connection to the natural state of love is registered in the depths of her being. The presence of the father or other male figures in her life, even if loving and kind, may unknowingly contribute to the psychic tension that she absorbs, influencing her emotional development.

As a young girl enters adolescence, this tension compounds. The fears and anxieties from her home life, the pressures of school, and exposure to sexual content on the internet all create an emotional residue that hardens over time. An energetic clot forms deep within, particularly near the vagina, where the physical and emotional worlds meet. What happens is that she’s traumatised to some degree by the experience; the lovemaking was not what she expected it to be. And this is every woman’s story, more or less. She was looking for love while he was looking for sex. Her natural protection, which is her innocence and divinity of love, could not offset the forces of the sexual self. And even if the lovemaking was beautiful, the man more often than not leaves soon afterwards – and breaks her young heart. Woman rarely gets over this first betrayal of love.

The widening gap between love and sex is at the heart of the fear to love. People often become identified with their past hurts and disappointments, and are adamant they will never again be subjected to such emotional pain. Many women who have experienced the degradation of sex without love are so appalled by man’s failure to love that they want no more to do with him at any intimate level in their lives. However, in the undergoing of their past emotional suffering, there is a protection that experience has given them. This is the realisation of what is now no longer acceptable in a relationship. In being true to this profound self-knowledge a woman retains her command of love and able to discern at any moment what is true in the situation of love with another.

When a woman connects with her inner wisdom, she is more able to see through the masks men wear and understand their behaviour for what it is – whether it is an honest expression of love or a reflection of their own unresolved issues. This clarity allows a woman to be more authentic as the personification of love on earth. Such a woman can then discern the authority in a man’s presence and his capacity to love her genuinely and fully in the flesh. She can then let go of her fears and be in union with the principle of love which will inform her as to the direction and sacred purpose of her life.